Feeling Crazy

“It’s going to be ok”, a phrase that most depressed or anxiety struck people hear all too often. We know it might be ok, but getting us to believe it is a completely different story. Our emotions take over too quickly for us to realize that they are just that, emotions. When feelings are stronger than the average Joe’s feelings, it can make things messy. Getting past that feeling, so a better one can take over, is very difficult. Some of us experience racing thoughts with these emotions, so hold on to your butts, kids! We are going “crazy”! Then the crazy really hits. Thoughts take over, “Am I really crazy? Do others feel this way? How did I get to this point? Why did I do that to my family? Why can’t I stay calm like everyone else?”

Getting your brain to slow down and break down these thoughts can be extremely difficult, but also very doable. We have to work a little harder at life, but it can be maintained just like any other disease. Keeping our minds clear of the clutter so we don’t feel “crazy”, is an experience that sometimes we don’t even realize we are getting into. It’s a slow and steady process. Working into this stage of recovery or healing is very important, though. We have to be stronger and be extremely patient with ourselves while we beat down the walls and open our minds to the possibility that we can have control.

One of my least favorite, but necessary, term is radical acceptance. Being able to accept things that we cannot change, but we disagree with, is a feeling that no one likes. It was a huge mountain for me to climb. I usually needed to talk through it with someone in order to get passed it and realize, it is what it is and it is not for me to control. I would then focus on what I do have control over, and that is usually myself and how I react to the situation. Reaction is what people notice. When my mom first saw me accepting things I cannot change and changing myself instead, she was in shock. She had her own emotions to consider and sought help for herself to understand.

Having someone like that on my side was so helpful. I didn’t feel so alone anymore. I realized how much this disease had not only taken me away, but how it was hurting so many people who I love. Most of the time the people closest to us can be our enablers. Sometimes they don’t even know they are doing it. When we finally came together to help each other instead of dragging each other down, it was much easier sailing. Mom and I were able to talk about the things that had happened and things that we both felt were in our best interest for our future.

Hold on to the ones you love, try not to push them away, because some of them won’t come back. Let your emotions run wild, realize that you are allowing it and then reel them back in. Don’t do it alone. Find the right support you need. Mine was my therapist and my mom. Thanks Mom.

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